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Bones [Closed]

CHARACTERS: Alex & Josias
LOCATION: Josias' room
WARNINGS: Probably minor talk of someone burning alive?
SUMMARY: Alex goes to see Josie after he gets out of the bowels of the ship.
NOTES: Post Dated to just after the end of the event

It still feels slightly surreal, to have managed to get out. A trick, almost. But as he has seen other people, people who are real, solid, it's more of a confirmation. That he had managed to get out, and at least save one person, along with him. It's...it isn't much. But when it comes down to these sort of things, sometimes the minor stuff is what counts, in the end.

He can only hope that Josias and Charles didn't go after him.

Alex wanders, not heading for his own quarters, but for Josias. He has no doubt the young man has been taking care of Anya and Bozo, and is probably at least worried over him. He'd feel more guilty, if he had any control over it; his mind cleared from all the mental claws that had dug themselves in, he knows he hadn't a chance; he was going to be dragged into the hell of his own memories, one way or another.

At least he isn't going to have to explain anything to Josias. He's seen the memory Alex had to relive again. The screaming--the carnage. He hates this place, for bringing it back up again, crushing around his heart.

He'll shove it back down eventually; he always does. Right now, he just wants to go and forget the rest of the world for a while, with the person he cares about most, here. To touch him, to remind himself that he has at least one good thing here, and that it's real, not some figment.

Usually, he would have at least knocked, but frankly, he's exhausted. So instead, he presses his wrist to the door, hearing the soft 'click' unlocking, and sliding open.

He manages a tired smile, leaning against the door jam.]

Hey.

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[The gardens would be the better place to be. Bury his head in other matters, literally, keep his mind away from worry - for Alex, for Ned and Heather, various others he hadn't managed to keep track of exactly. He keeps drifting back to his room, though, his own and Alex's, as if checking regularly is going to result in him just finding Alex there at some point, perhaps having never wandered off in the first place.

He should have gone after him, he thinks. And then spends hours reminding himself why he didn't.

The second bed in his room is still turned into an improvised kind of worktable, and he busies himself fiddling with various projects. A broken sensor from one of the garden's hydroponic beds, a diagnostics device from engineering that he's been attempting to upgrade, some of the old machinery from the Genetics Labs. He works on it long enough to make his eyes cross, hoping to cross the line into exhaustion and just pass out for a few hours.

He's well on his way there by the time he hears the door open, turning to look with a delicate piece of wiring in one hand and his glasses halfway down his nose, staring silent for a long moment, as if Alex might be a figment of his overtired imagination.]

You took your bloody time.

[He blurts out finally, dropping what he was doing and moving to stand.]

You know me, have to take the long way around.

[He's trying to go with a joke, but he just ends up sounding more tired than anything. He moves into the room, a hand moving out to catch Josias' forearm, thumb skimming over the skin there, gently. So he may have let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding; but he needs it. Josias is real, isn't going to attack him like those phigments did.

His voice drops just slightly, his other hand moving to push Josias' glasses up back to their proper place gently.]

I got out as fast as I could. Promise.

[There is a 'sorry' he isn't going to say, lost in those words. Because it hadn't been his fault. He has to remind himself of that.]

Edited 2014-07-09 22:20 (UTC)

[Having his glasses pushed up blurs out Alex's features, leaves him an indistinct smear of colours, and it's mildly unsettling for a moment, as if Alex could have returned to him just a phantom. Josias pulls them off and tosses them onto the bed, expression tight in annoyance even as he looks back at Alex.

He isn't sure where to start, if he wants to berate him for having left in the first place, for having called him first and left him thinking for the past week that if he'd only tried harder he could have persuaded him to stay. But there's relief, too, a open unfurling of the fear that's been sitting like a weight on his chest, and as contrary as Josias can be, the pull between the two sides just leaves him at a stalemate in the middle.

He doesn't appreciate it, being caught without words when he'd gone so long literally incapable of them. He pushes forward, instead, lifting both hands to cup Alex's face as he kisses him. It's firm, demanding, just this side of desperate, and he shows no signs of wanting to pull back any time soon.]

[Alex is silent, letting Josias decide what he wants to do. He actually won't mind if he gets yelled at. Snide remarks, jokes, anything. He's just happy he's still alive and sane(ish) enough to appreciate this.

When Josias decides on kissing, instead, he lets out a small sound of relief in the back of his throat. Arms slide around his waist to pull him in closer, not caring if it's a bit crushing against his chest.

He kisses back as good as he receives, teeth nipping at lips, tongue swiping along to soothe the sting. It isn't going to last forever, Alex will need to breathe in a bit, but this is a better reassurance that they are alive and together than any words could be.]

[There's more harsh emotion in the kiss than Josias would normally direct at Alex. Frustration, no small amount of anger, fierce and possibly too rough to start. But Alex takes it and turns it, and the knot in Josias' chest slowly releases, ebbs into relief. His grip on Alex's face relaxes, turns softer, fingers smoothing to curve at his neck and push into his hair.

His mouth is red when he finally breaks away, but he doesn't pull out of Alex's space. Stays close, resting his forehead against his, just breathing for a moment before he tries speaking.]

If you ever do that--

[He cuts it off abruptly, eyes tight closed. It's the frustration again, but there was the root at the bottom of the thing: it couldn't fall on Alex. He hadn't chosen to go out there. He'd been pulled and lured out of Josias' reach, and his fingers curl a little tighter against Alex's skin for the thought of it.]

[Whatever Josias needs to get out, Alex can take. Because he wants to--and because he's happy to be here to take it. It's another sign that he's survived, that no matter what shit has been happening, what he had to see again, he'll manage to be 'okay' again.

His own lips are bruised slightly from the kissing, but he stays close, loosening his grip. A hand moves to rest on the flat of Josias' back, rubbing a circle.]

You're free to punch me, yell, whatever.

Next time, I'll--

[He tilts his head just slightly, keeping contact.]

I'll fight harder.

[Because it had been Haley, he hadn't fought as hard as he should have. He knows that. And he'll take that blame. He doesn't feel guilt, though, and his tone makes that clear. He just wants to reassure Josias that he won't leave him without a fight.]

Edited 2014-07-16 01:57 (UTC)

[Josias grip only tightens for that, fingers potentially pressing too hard into the skin at his shoulder.]

I'd rather not think on the idea of there being a next time. Not with pattern of escalation on this incident.

[That Alex may not be the one that would need to fight - or that there would be no room to fight at all, as sceptical as Josias is that there was this time. Whatever they were dealing with, whatever was in the ship or controlling the ship, it had quite thoroughly demonstrated over the past year that it was also in their heads. The only thread of hope that Josias was still holding to over that was that will still seemed to be important, or they'd all already be acting something like the mindless population of Strela.]

And I'm not going to punch you.

[He sounds even more annoyed at the suggestion.]

Oh come on. I would punch me.

[Alex quirks his eyebrows a little, trying to drag a smile out of Josias. It might not actually work, but he...he just needs a bit of levity, right now. He's tired, and trying not to think of what he went through. Letting out a breath, he moves one of his hands to slide into Josias' hair.]

Mind if we sit down on the bed?

Yes, and as has been clearly evidenced, my sensibilities are quite different to yours.

[Though that cuts closer to himself than he'd really meant, with his choice not to go out into the corridors to look for Alex. He looks away, over to the bed - the bed bed, not the one stripped to the mattress and strewn with machine parts - before drawing back from Alex, nudging at his hip enough to indicate he should move there, though not going with him. Not yet.]

Did you come straight here?

[From... wherever.]

Edited (wow that icon looks kind of evil) 2014-07-20 22:41 (UTC)

Lucky for me.

[He presses his lips together, instead, moving to over to the bed as well. He sits, glancing up at Josias; he wants to reach up, to drag him down to him, wants to maintain contact, but he knows that sometimes that's the wrong instinct when it comes to Josie. So he doesn't, instead letting his hands move to grip at his knees, nodding.]

Yeah. I wanted to see you, first.

[To make sure he was okay. To not be alone. For a lot of reasons.]

We should get you something to eat.

[It's an immediate, concern directed into possible action, like that may be easier to deal with than linger on the worry of the past week, of what Alex might have gone through. But then, it occurs to him that food might be the most paltry of offers.]

Do you feel alright? Maybe we should go down to medical.

No. [The word comes out stronger than he means, but he shakes his head, repeating.] No...no medical. I'm fine. I can eat later. I'd just rather have a glass of water and sit with you for a while.

[He needs that more than food.]

[It's a vehemence Josias isn't really expecting, and for a moment feels the urge to argue against, but then Alex's tone quiets more, softens to actual requests. It's no salve on the worry that's built up under Josias' skin, though, tight coils of it that he can just feel will want to peak into more irritability, more anger than Alex deserves or should be dealing with at the moment - no matter his suggestion that Josias hit him.]

Alright. [He turns before Alex has the chance to stop him, heading for the door.] I won't be a moment.

[There's the desire to linger and tell him to stay put, not to leave, as if he might disappear again the moment Josias takes his eyes off him. He ignores it, keeping himself steady as he walks out of the door.

His room is low enough in number that the trip to the kitchens is short, and he does nothing to stretch it out longer than it should be. Just takes advantage of every second of it to pour through all the negatives prickling in his mind, bring them all to the surface, turn over, and-- breaths out, lets them dissipate.

He comes back to the room with a glass of water and a box of some kind of Tranquility-issue biscuits that he's found vaguely similar to digestives - easy to pick at, if Alex does find himself hungry. He offers the glass quietly, taking a seat next to him on the bed.]

[When Josias returns, he'll find Alex having toed off his shoes, pulled his legs up onto the bed. His back is against the wall, knees to chest. He gives Joisas a smile when he comes back in, taking the water when offered.

He takes a few sips, and stretches out his legs again.]

Thanks. Sorry just--saw a lot of bad things in there. Put me on edge. I'll get over it in a couple days.

[He usually does. It's not like he isn't used to dealing with his demons, at least.]

[Josias shakes his head slightly, reaching out to settle a hand on Alex's ankle, thumb rubbing gentle circles over the thin skin.]

You don't have to apologise.

[Or push himself to get over it, but Josias knows that suggestion doesn't always go over so well with Alex. It's better to try and give him other forms of support, guide him at a gentler pace than argue with his more harsh habits. It's something Josias has gotten used to, in a sense, all the things they've been through on this ship - but that doesn't stop him wishing there wouldn't be another of it.]

Do you want to talk about it?

[Alex visibly relaxes as Josias starts to work at his ankle. The warmth, the care in his touch...it helps unwind something within him. Leaning his head back against the wall, he lets out a breath.]

I don't know if it would help. It was...it was my sister, again. Played out in real time, in front of me. You'd think by now they'd get bored of repeating that memory.

[But it is his worst; so maybe that's why they use it.]

You said she was here. That she was calling you.

[The short and heart-wrenching conversation he'd had with Alex before he'd disappeared. Before, he'd been thinking of it more as his own failure to persuade the other man to stay, but now it takes on an entirely different colour.]

Luring you with that hope and then putting you through that... [His hand curves broad-palmed around Alex's ankle, warm, squeezing slightly like it was any true expression of comfort.] I keep thinking we've reached the limits of this place's cruelty, yet I'm always wrong.

She had been. I saw her.

[He closes his eyes tight, running a finger along the edges, to the bridge of his nose, as if he can just get rid of the idea. It sucks. But still, he stays in control of himself. Josias hand is there, warm and real; the realest thing he's felt since he disappeared into the halls.]

I'm just happy you didn't have to go through it too. I--

[He shifts just slightly, so he can press his side up against Josias, wanting more contact.]

--I dunno.

[He doesn't know what to say. Wishing he didn't have to see that again, that it never happened in the first place--Josie knew all that. Hell, Josias has seen it.]

I would never wish this place on her. Not sanely, at least.

[Happy that Josias hadn't gone through it too, and yet Josias still couldn't shake the niggling guilt that he should have done something. Something more to save him, bring him back, rather than just sitting and waiting like some soldier's wife. He exhales slowly, lets the thoughts go.]

Of course not. [A squeeze at Alex's ankle, gentle and reassuring.] But it's still entirely natural to wish to see her again, to have her with you.

[And crueller beyond measure for the ship to take advantage of that, twist it into what it had.]

Yeah. At some point though--I got to try and let it go.

[He lets a hand slide down Joisas' arm, glancing over at him. It isn't that he's looking for confirmation, exactly...but the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes something.]

I love Haley. I mean--I'm always gonna miss her. But at some point, I have to try and let the guilt go, don't I? Or--or this place is going to keep using it against me. [Going to keep torturing him, like he's tortured himself.]

Yes. But forcing something like that isn't going to help it happen.

[Perhaps make it worse, if anything. He watches Alex for a moment, looking over his face, imagining what it must be like to have the ship drag that memory up over and over. Guilt like that was already something carried constantly, heavily - all the ship was likely doing was pouring salt in the wound.

But perhaps its efforts could be used to cauterise it, instead.]

Have you tried saying goodbye to her?

[It's gentle, tentative even as his eyes are totally focussed on him. Aware that Alex could react badly to the suggestion, ready to try and appease him back into something more relaxed.]

Yeah, I know.

[Alex scrunches his face up; he's exhausted, and just so damn tired of having to deal with this. And feeling like he's burdening Josias on top of it.

A few years ago, he may have reacted badly to what Josie suggested.

But two years, and suffering through things with his sister the entire time changes things. As well as having the man next to him around.]

I haven't. But I don't even know how I would fucking do that.

[Really, how do you say goodbye to someone who's dead?]

You could turn the ship's tricks over. The next time, if it tries to use her against you again.

[He pauses, wondering if he should even complete the suggestion. His own experience of any loss similar to Alex's was an old, faint wound, dulled by time and perhaps never striking so harshly in the first place. But he at least knows something of needing to let go.]

Say what you've wanted to say to her, and say goodbye.

Yeah.

[Alex is silent for a while, just leaning against Josias, breathing in and out, slowly, turning the idea over in his mind. When he speaks again, he sounds more confident, nodding his head.]

Yeah.

Knowing my lucky, the ship won't bring it up again, but I'll be ready, if it does.

[He tilts his head, moving to brush his lips against Josias' cheek.]

Glad I have a genius around to help me with this shit.

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Bones [Closed]

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