ataraxionlogs | thirty-first jump;

Entry tags:

thirty-first jump;

CHARACTERS: Any and all.
LOCATION: Gravity Couches and beyond.
WARNINGS: Maybe some swearing, or even some violence, and more than likely some implied (and possibly explicit) nakedness.
SUMMARY: Another month, another jump, another round of new faces.
NOTES: There is something very easy about waking from the gravcouches this month. The sensation of being watched is absent, and so is much of the sickness - even for those characters who entered Engineering in February. Instead the jump feels comfortable, the stasis fluid warm on your skin, the medbay lights not too harsh as you emerge amongst your fellow passengers. The sensation may be unnerving in its strangeness, but there will be a deep feeling of being well-rested, calm and content, that will not be completely lost no matter how much you question it.

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You wake up in darkness.

There's a breathing tube jammed down your trachea, and you're suspended in a tube of clear blue fluid. Upon registering your level of consciousness, the gravity couch drains the fluid surrounding you and retracts the breathing apparatus; the doors in front of you open, and you're deposited on the floor of a stark, sterile medical bay.

You are not alone.
There are others who have come before you, others who are awakening beside you. Some may be familiar to you, perhaps even friends. Others have much less amiable plans. Some are merely alien and inexplicable, but there are always those who might mean you harm.

After you catch your breath and your vision returns, you notice a number on the inside of your forearm. Maybe it's a familiar number. Maybe it means something. Maybe it's just a number. But the number—completely unique to you—is a tattoo, and it does not come off.

If you enter the room adjacent to the medbay, you will find a small locker with your number on it, surrounded by rows upon rows of identical lockers. Inside, you will find a few of your personal items, a communications device, and a ship's uniform in your exact size. The comms device is fully powered and connects directly to the ship's network; it's your only means of communication beyond physical conversation. Upon turning the device on, a neutral, automated voice will say, "Please take the blue lift to the passenger quarters." Any other attempts at communicating with the rest of the network are met only with static.

This is your welcome party.

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[She laughs and gives Elizabeth's shoulder an affectionate squeeze.] It will become more natural with time.

[ she is utterly radiant when she smiles, and she is momentarily dazed by the splendour of her. others may find such beauty terrifying, but she feels at ease with it; her whole family was composed of comely folk.

galadriel outshines them all combined and more, but it is not a frightening thing. it is a comfort. and there is warmth in her smile which she can feel her heart take in, steeling her against sadness and warming her to this great lady. when she smiles back, it is genuinely. ]

Of that I have no doubt. I thank you for all your many kindnesses, truly.

[ she inclines her head, and then stands straighter. ]

I should bathe, I think. I will endeavour to do so quickly, so as we might speak.

Of course. [She still has to finish putting herself together too.] Until later, then.

I look forward to it very much. Farewell for now.

[ with another curtsy she departs in order to bathe and dress herself. since she feels fine for the first time in months during a jump, she takes her full ten minutes in the shower and washes her hair more thoroughly than usual.

it feels incredible, and she is quite a bit more relaxed by the time she returns to the flet they share. she waits quietly, taking up her sewing to occupy herself until the lady arrives so they might speak. ]

[It doesn't take Galadriel much longer to get there and it takes even less time for her to make herself comfortable. The sword that hangs at her waist is put carefully away, her shoes are slipped off, and she settles down beside Elizabeth, waiting expectantly.]

[ elizabeth swings her legs from the edge of her pallet as galadriel walks in, her slippers sliding off her feet to fall unnoticed to the plank floor. a wave of nervousness assails her, and she closes her eyes until she feels galadriel's weight settle beside her.

then she releases a soft sigh, allowing the golden lady's presence to set her at ease once more. it helps, and enables her to finally speak up. ]

Ere I awoke here, my country had been at war with itself for decades. The Royal family divided in two, and the people caught between one side or the other. The existing scion was mad, they said, and so the Earl of Warwick, a nobleman with much sway in the North rose up in order to battle back the madman's side and place my father upon the throne. Ever more, he was called the Kingmaker.

But my father married my mother out of love, and not the French princess Warwick had wished him to out of necessity. It drove them apart and more than once he rose up against my father's rule. Eventually, my father slew him in battle and my country knew some twelve years of peace. I had been born before this, and things were never certain for us until those twelve years.

But a year past, my father caught a fever and died. My uncle, his ever-loyal brother then for reasons unknown usurped my little brothers and took the crown for himself. And ever since, I have watched my family fall apart as one by one Death takes them away. That is why it is so.. difficult for me to see my mother thus.

But also because I have learned of the future of my family, which.. if true, is even bloodier than its past.

[ she shakes her head, feeling her eyes sting. ]

I know not how to be without a member of my family at my side. What am I to do? For now, they are all gone. And one day they truly will be. I.. am to marry the man who ordered the murder of one of my brothers should I return home.

It will be expected. But I am afraid! And I beg you to forgive me for going on like this, but I simply know not what I should do. I feel lost.

[Galadriel listens quietly and intently, responding only at last when Elizabeth begs her forgiveness. She shakes her head.]

Do not apologize. I understand- more than you may think, perhaps, for I, too, have seen my family divided and watched them perish. [For a moment, there's a distant sorrow in her own eyes, a yearning for something long past. But she blinks it away as quickly as it came. This is not about her.]

For now, you need only remember that your mother will awaken. For the future- I wish it were so simple.

[Reaching out, she takes Elizabeth's hand in her own.] I wish I might give a simple answer that would put your mind at ease and lessen the burden on your heart, but I have none to give. You seek direction, I know, but I can only guide you; the path you follow, you must choose for yourself.

Tell me first, if you would, where did you come by this foreknowledge?

[ and like that, her careful composure evaporates and her face crumples with grief. her own, and for bringing galadriel's to the fore. something she has carelessly not even thought of, not considered. when others hurt, so does she. her heart is tender and gentle, perhaps too much so; for it takes on the pain of others, and she feels it as they do. ]

God in Heaven, please forgive me! I knew not that you had suffered the same. [ her eyes sting, and she averts her gaze in shame. opening up to strangers is a difficult task. it requires trust, which is why she has avoided it until recently. yet here, she finds it also requires something that has slipped her mind: consideration of others.

perhaps she really should simply go back to bottling everything inside. she bites her lip to restrain a sob, instinctively laying a hand over galadriel's. so much about her feels as a mother should. she finds comfort in it, despite her shame. ]

I have never been able to make a choice pertaining to the direction my life will take before. That was always the under the purview of my father. I.. know not even which paths lie before me.

[ how can she choose that which she cannot see? it's terrifying. ]

From a.. friend of mine. Her name is Ilde. She says there are whole books devoted to the history of my land. And what they say.. I would rather die here than return to England. I will not bear a son who will marry six times only to humiliate two wives and murder two more.

I cannot marry a man whose order meant the death of many of my male relations. But I.. [ she glances over at her, shifting awkwardly in place. she is nervous, and the tension in her could draw a bowstring taut. ]

I can see things, sometimes. Unbidden. Things that will happen, things that are happening.

[ galadriel is from a different world. maybe. just maybe, she will believe her. and also not throw her out and accuse her of witchery before the entire ship. maybe. ]

Hush now, pinig. I mention it only so that you will know that I do not speak in ignorance. It is an old wound, never fully healed, mayhaps, but no longer so painful as it once was; do not worry over me.

[She could say much more on the subject of paths, of choices and of homelands- but the nervous way Elizabeth admits to her foresight switches Galadriel's attention entirely.]

It seems that we share a great deal more than I had realized. Bidden and unbidden, my visions come, though I have had much longer to learn of my gifts than you.

Nevertheless, it was rude of me and I am sorry for it. It was not meant thus. I can do no other than worry for those who are becoming dear to me.

[ elizabeth sits stock-still, ever bone and muscle and nerve-ending tense and tight with apprehension. but when galadriel speaks, it is not with words of disbelief or condemnation. she whips her head about to gaze at her, eyes wide.

yes. magic would be more common in other worlds. galadriel's folk are fey and lovely beyond measure. she is in fact not surprised to learn they bear magical skill, as well. but. but. it is not the same for her, and so she remains tense. ]

The Sight, my mother calls it. I never wanted it. How do you bear such a thing? How may we be certain that what we see is true and not a possibility?

[ she shivers. ] If this were known in England, I would be burned alive for it.

Rude to tell me of your life? To share your pain? [She shakes her head] No, you must never apologize for looking to your own needs. You wished for comfort and guidance. What of that is rude?

[It's something she's noticed about Elizabeth- she's too quick to apologize, too quick to push her own needs aside. Granted, the latter is something which Galadriel is also guilty of, but she, at least, is aware that it's a balancing act; you have to take care of yourself in order to care for others.]

Among my people, you would be honored for it. Nonetheless, I will keep this knowledge to myself, if that is what you would prefer. [If that's what would make her feel safe.

As for the rest-]

It is both gift and burden, is it not? I know with certainty that I see what may be, rather than what will be, for not all of my visions have come to pass. There is a certain skill in understanding what one has seen- as much as there is in controlling when and how one does see. And it is my experience that the more control one has, the less frightening this gift becomes- the easier it becomes to bear.

When I am thoughtless in regard to the pain of others in the process, it is. [ she grimaces, shaking her head. ] I did not mean to be thus, but that is how I must have sounded nevertheless. And at home my needs matter not. I am unused to anything else.

[ which is true. how she thinks and feels are no consequence at all to those around her. even her own mother, who is much different then than she is here. if she is too quick to push them aside, it is because one's feelings only matter at court if one is a man or the heir to the throne (or both). ]

Your people are wise in ways mine cannot fathom. [ this is also true, and she has no issue at all in admitting it. she smiles faintly. ] I would be grateful if you did, for my countrymen would not understand. Christianity preaches that such a thing is witchcraft and is an offence punishable by death.

[ she digs the tips of her fingers into her skirts out of nervousness and anxiety, and nods. ]

More often a burden, for I have seen only death. [ releasing a breath, elizabeth turns to look at her in wonder. ] Do you see good things? Even if they do not come to pass? It would be easier, perhaps, if I did. How does one control such a power? I am afraid.

They must matter to you. [Really, she wouldn't be pushing this point so hard if she hadn't heard what she just had. If Elizabeth is right about her future- well, Galadriel knows from experience that when you have no family to care for you, you must learn to care for yourself.]

I see much that is good- and much that is not. [She gives a faint little smile] It is only natural that you should be afraid. Your people do not understand your gift and so they speak of such things only in whispers- in hushed tones around campfires. For the same reasons, I am called 'witch' and tales are told of a sorceress who lurks within the Golden Woods of Lórien, catching all who dare enter her realm within her web of spells. [For a second, her smile almost becomes a smirk- she finds those tales rather amusing, actually. But her expression quickly settles into something more serious as she continues.]

All your life, you have been told that this power you possess is unnatural- contrary to nature, perhaps. Yet how can that be so? You are a child of Eru, the One, as am I. Were we not shaped by the same hand as any other of our races? Why should you fear this part of you more than the rest?

They have never been able to; and they never will be able to if what I have heard of my future is correct. I.. confess I know not how to balance it.

I do what I must for the good of my family, as I have been expected to since I was born. But I fear it is not enough.

[ she closes her eyes, digging her fingers further into the fabric of her skirts. ] Were you afraid at the first, of the things you saw?

Yes.. my people and my religion both condemn such things. Women even so much as suspected of them are tied to stakes and burnt alive for witchcraft. And I am terrified still, because this aside, I can do other things which might hurt others if I used that power. I have tried to pretend they exist not, but yet I am assailed by visions and remember. They say that my mother's line is descended from a river goddess of Burgundy.

[ she looks up at galadriel then, for some reason drawn and lulled into trusting her with this. she does not judge; she understands. and elizabeth tries to smile, resulting in a faint shadow of one upon her lips. ] There is nothing at all fearsome about you. It.. is ever thus that people fear that which they know not.

And I know that I am guilty of it in my own case. [ but she sees death and suffering and loss and her mother uses her own power for vengeance and ambition only. i.e. the wrong reasons. it's honestly no wonder that she is terrified. ]

I have not, for none know that I possess it but for my mother and sisters. And now you, Your Grace. [ eru.. is this another name for god? it sounds a lot like it, and so she makes herself smile a bit more, nodding. ] I suppose we are; for God has many names. And the answer is simple; I understand it not. I know little of it, except that I see suffering and death and can do naught to stop it.

You have the chance now to learn. I do not suggest that you abandon your duties to your family. Far from it, but if you give of yourself and accept little in return, you will wear yourself thin.

And, yes, at first I was afraid. I remember, when I was but a young girl, being filled with a dread that I could not explain, or waking in the night, my mind filled with shadows of things to come. In time, as I learned more of myself and honed my skills, the fear lessened.

Now, I do not fear what I may see, but rather what I might do. For foresight is but one of my gifts, as you say it is but one of yours. But that is a fear I would not lose; it is best that those with power have a keen awareness of the perils of it.

But how do I do that? [ she is sharp enough to see that the solution lies not simply in forming relationships with others or letting them in. or cultivating trust, and relying upon them.

galadriel has mentioned that she needs to have things for herself. but what does this mean? she does not understand because the concept has never been taught to her. she is expected to be a good, obedient lass. and actually, she is growing tired of it, now that she thinks on it.

thankfully the topic flows back to more common ground, and she watches this woman who feels so much like a mother in silence. ]

I.. believe my grandmother knew more of the skills which her line has imparted unto us than my mother. You must know more than she. She always had such a frank, no-nonsense view of it and she was certainly never afraid. I confess I know not how to accept that which I cannot understand.

[ she glances away. ] And which I would be killed for if anyone at home knew. My sisters, too.

So, it is right to be afraid of it, then? [ her teeth bite her lip nervously and once again, she shifts under the weight of her anxiety over the topic. being still is something she cannot do right now. her eyes sting, as she feels her nails now nearly tearing at her skirts. ]

Because I am terrified! I know of no fashion my.. abilities may be used but for ill.

[ for that is all she has ever seen them used for, since she was a small child. ]

[Galadriel drops the thread of the conversation to look at Elizabeth with a much heavier gaze than she has yet set on the girl. It's a thoughtful look, as if she's searching for some answer in her face.

When she begins speaking again, it's slowly, her words picked with care.]

It would do you well, I think, to study under one who is more familiar with such things. I can promise nothing, of course- it well may be that our gifts differ too greatly for my knowledge to be of use. But if you would wish it, I would teach you.

[ elizabeth does not flinch beneath galadriel's thoughtful scrutiny. she is gauging and assessing her, she knows well from practice at court. she has been thus examined by the eyes of many a noble, and yet none have been able to see her as clearly as this great and kind lady seems to. as though she can peer inside her mind and heart and see the inner workings of both.

it should frighten her, but it does exactly the opposite. the relief that comes with not having to keep up the pretense with one person is tremendous. she relaxes, the white-knuckled grip loosening upon her skirts until her hands lay prim and harmless in her lap. and while her face is still pale, her colour is returning. her wide-eyed stare is the only thing amiss, and that is because she is surprised. ]

If so great a Lady is offering me aid, I can do no other than humbly accept it. [ she smiles faintly. ]

I would like to try.

[There is nothing faint about Galadriel's smile; she glows, obviously pleased.]

I am glad. [She spares a glance towards the door of the flet, as if she's half-expecting someone to walk in.] Our positions were reversed once, you know; I was far older, of course, had far more knowledge of my gift, but I learned much that I now know from the queen of Doriath. Her daughter is here now.

[ elizabeth has never seen anyone so beautiful, she is fairly certain. not even her mother can come close, because galadriel's loveliness is not of any world elizabeth is familiar with.

but her joy is much closer to home, and elizabeth impulsively leans up to hug her. she has battled the urge for a while, and she might (maybe) apologize for her forwardness afterward. but right now she feels like a mother, if not precisely her own, and thus exactly who and what she needs. elizabeth closes her eyes, and only releases her when she feels much of the tension ebb away from herself. ]

As am I. [ because now, maybe, she can learn how at least to avoid hurting anyone with the things she can do. and for once, she thinks better of apologizing preemptively for hugging her. she is learning. ]

It is almost impossible to imagine. You have such wisdom, Your Grace. [ she tilts her head, interested. ] I would be honoured to meet the daughter of anyone who has given you such aid.

[The hug is met with surprise, but only for a moment. Then the gesture is returned. It's rare that she is embraced; onboard, only Lúthien herself would really think to. And despite how formal she is in public, in private she has always been very affectionate with her friends and very prone to these little demonstrations. The hug is not only allowed, it is welcomed.]

You would enjoy one another's company, I believe, and it might do you both good. Lúthien is her name.

[ elizabeth cannot bring herself to apologize, because galadriel seems more than fine with being hugged like this. and elizabeth is grateful, because just now what she needs is to feel close to someone motherly. which galadriel is, nearly as much as her own mother. the same, but yet so very different.

when she finally releases her, she meets her gaze with a shy sort of daughterly fondness. ]

It is a beautiful name. Pray, what does it mean? And yours as well, if I may be so bold.

Your language is like nothing I have ever heard before.

'Lúthien' may mean 'enchantress,' though it may also be translated as 'blossom,' I believe. I am not entirely certain which was the intended meaning, though both are fitting enough.

As for my own name, 'Galadriel' is 'maiden crowned with a radiant garland.' [She smiles fondly.] In my youth, I often wore my hair in a braid wound about my head, for I was something of an athlete in those days. My husband bestowed the name upon me out of affection.

Both are so very beautiful. [ and this lady's husband is one smooth operator! the corners of her mouth twitch upward. ]

And romantic, in your case! Are the pair of you very much in love?

[ it is an innocent question, and not one she seems to find too forward to ask. one lady to another surely would not harm anything, right? she rests her head upon her bended elbow and sighs wistfully. ]

I am perhaps over-fond of takes of love. They are as beautiful dreams.

[ which she can close her eyes and escape within for a while. ]

[Not too forward for her, certainly. And Galadriel makes no secret of the answer anyway.] We are, as we have been since the world was yet young.

[The smile on her face only grows.] Oh, I do not know if one can be over-fond of such things. Tales of great battles are entertaining indeed, but far less pleasant to live. It would be better, I think, if we spoke more of the value of love and less of the glory of war.

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